10.31.2008

advice to my future self.

By future, I mean mid-December, when it will be time to register for yet another semester of college drudgery.

  • No more night classes.
  • No more 3-hour classes. Eww.
  • No classes before 10 am. That has worked out beautifully this semester - I've only been sick once, as opposed to three times in the semester I had an 8 am class.
  • CLEP the last semester of Spanish. It just really isn't fun anymore, and if I can pass the exam, I'm moving on to Spanish Lit.
  • Schedule an hour for lunch. I generally end up eating two meals on Tuesdays and Thursdays - one at 2:30 and one at about midnight. Probably not the healthiest.
  • If a professor has ratings on RateMyProfessors.com along the lines of "Freaking hard prof," "His exams are 20 pgs. long!!" or "Only take from him if you have a death wish," believe them. And only take one of his classes per semester.
  • Take some easy classes. Please.

10.22.2008

On bliss, and oblivion.

I'm happy.

This isn't new. I'm rarely anything but. Have been for years and years.

Obviously I have moments of sadness, anger, frustration - just like everyone else. They just don't get me for long.

Why?

I'm not complaining - though some people have been...


My life isn't perfect - it's confusing, stressful, and downright terrifying at times.

I'm not naive - I've had quite a few things happen to me to demonstrate that people can be... inhuman. And at an earlier age than most, I think. I don't have any illusions about an altruistic human nature.

I've done my best to avoid embitterment, jadedness. I haven't honestly avoided it, but I think maybe I've managed to get past it and see the lessons to be learned from the experiences I'd rather forget.

You can't forget things - and you really shouldn't try. You are, whether you like it or not, a product of everything you ever were. What we do and what happens to us is what makes us. You have to let the worst bring out the best in you. But see the worst in yourself and recognize it as a part of who you are.

How could anyone recognize light if not for the existence of darkness? Though I'm not a hardcore subscriber to Jungian theory, I have to agree that the whole idea of balance is pretty dead on. You need a little bit of the bad with the good to get the best out of both.

I believe in a form of karma - not in the Buddhist sense, exactly. But what you give is often what you get. Not immediately, not always directly. And maybe someone else gets the good that you gave. But somehow that gets back to you, if only in the form of a good feeling.

So what if everything has been going completely wrong - bad things happen to you that you don't deserve, and all the things you do with the best of intentions get horribly skewed and end up causing more harm than good? It's going to happen to you sometime (unless it doesn't, in which case I say stfu. we're all going to be much more interesting people than you). Can you gain something there to better yourself (and prove the existence of "karma")?

I can't say why situations like this affect people in such different ways. I don't want to believe you don't have a choice - that some people are born with the ability to thrive in adversity and some can't do anything but get discouraged and give up.

Existentialist? Why yes, I am. I'm a fan of the whole purpose-driven life thing. I am biased however, and believe there is really only one purpose that is worth driving. And that's a story for another day, when I'm feeling a bit bolder.

But in a general sense, that's one thing I think really helps shape perception of problems. If you only have one absolute goal in mind for your life, and you know that one goal is already accomplished, nothing else can really matter.


I feel like this line of thought needs to be continued, despite its rambly nature. But I really, really, have been trying to cut back on the caffeine, and the last of my chemically-fueled inspiration has fizzled out for the day. Hope there was some sense to be found in that slew of inadequate words. Maybe when I get some sleep I can look back and figure out exactly what it was I wanted to say, and actually say it :)

10.16.2008

Oops.

I definitely signed up for Blog Action Day 2008.

Then proceeded to not write an amazing, thought-provoking, world-poverty-solving, cancer-curing, illiteracy-eliminating post yesterday.

Instead, I wrote an essay in Spanish about violin-playing con artists.

Rain check?

10.10.2008

if it's not too late for coffee, I'll be at your place in 10.

Oh, life. It's lovely.

But it does wear one out.

School remains hectic - I'm coming to terms with the fact that life will not end if I don't make the dean's list this semester... still going to work my ass off to try, though.

The coffee shop is quite nice. I've had three 5 am shifts this week, and though they've been more fun than the cold-molasses-y slow night shifts, they freaking kill me. I've been pretty good about getting to sleep by 11, but that still only gives me 4.5 hours of sleep. Not quite enough. I can give customers huge fake smiles and get their orders right, but when I get home I crasssssssshhh. Which is not good when one has massive amounts of homework to do.

But, again, it would be much worse if I had to deal with bitchy coworkers. And I'm finally getting tips, so that extra dollar or so an hour makes my pay almost comparable to what I was making at the Purple Crayon. And I feel like I have a bit more control over tips - chat a little bit with the customers and compliment their shirt/purse/motorcycle, and you're more likely to get a dollar or so.

But on the other hand, some people get their only social contact at the drive-thru at 6 am, and thus talk your ear off for 10 minutes and proceed to pay in exact change. :(

And some people are just flat-out rude. Srsly. I may feel like murdering everyone who talks loudly to me before I've had my morning coffee, but I can usually control that urge. Obviously there are those who cannot.

And that's about it. My life is work, school, sleep, and the occasional pre/post-work/school outing right now. And lots of delicious, free coffee. And doughnuts. Oh my. I've gained three pounds since I started working. Yayy :))


*note to Latte Boy: good-looking guys are actually a rarity in the mornings - don't be jealous. I only flirt with old, ugly guys.

10.01.2008

I never knew just what it was about that old coffee shop I loved so much

Whew. I feel like things are more or less back under control. Sleep helps immensely. So does eating some decent food. Maslow is a freaking genius. There are still way too many things to do and not a lot of time to do them, but at least it's not making me lose my mind anymore.

Work is going fantastically - I finally got to make drinks today and (kind of) learned to use the register, so I don't just stand in the back and feel helpless during a rush. Loving the people I'm working with - it's like I've known them forever.

Hat Attack - I died :( My victim overnighted me her almost-finished hat, and I got it that morning, but had to take a psych exam and then work, so I didn't get to knit a stitch on it before I got the hat that killed me in the mail that afternoon. Tragedy.

Pictures soon - of my murder weapon, and of some spinning I've been doing. I tried navajo plying for the first time and it turned out rather excitingly.

annd...
avocado smoothies = ♥