On bliss, and oblivion.

I'm happy.

This isn't new. I'm rarely anything but. Have been for years and years.

Obviously I have moments of sadness, anger, frustration - just like everyone else. They just don't get me for long.

Why?

I'm not complaining - though some people have been...


My life isn't perfect - it's confusing, stressful, and downright terrifying at times.

I'm not naive - I've had quite a few things happen to me to demonstrate that people can be... inhuman. And at an earlier age than most, I think. I don't have any illusions about an altruistic human nature.

I've done my best to avoid embitterment, jadedness. I haven't honestly avoided it, but I think maybe I've managed to get past it and see the lessons to be learned from the experiences I'd rather forget.

You can't forget things - and you really shouldn't try. You are, whether you like it or not, a product of everything you ever were. What we do and what happens to us is what makes us. You have to let the worst bring out the best in you. But see the worst in yourself and recognize it as a part of who you are.

How could anyone recognize light if not for the existence of darkness? Though I'm not a hardcore subscriber to Jungian theory, I have to agree that the whole idea of balance is pretty dead on. You need a little bit of the bad with the good to get the best out of both.

I believe in a form of karma - not in the Buddhist sense, exactly. But what you give is often what you get. Not immediately, not always directly. And maybe someone else gets the good that you gave. But somehow that gets back to you, if only in the form of a good feeling.

So what if everything has been going completely wrong - bad things happen to you that you don't deserve, and all the things you do with the best of intentions get horribly skewed and end up causing more harm than good? It's going to happen to you sometime (unless it doesn't, in which case I say stfu. we're all going to be much more interesting people than you). Can you gain something there to better yourself (and prove the existence of "karma")?

I can't say why situations like this affect people in such different ways. I don't want to believe you don't have a choice - that some people are born with the ability to thrive in adversity and some can't do anything but get discouraged and give up.

Existentialist? Why yes, I am. I'm a fan of the whole purpose-driven life thing. I am biased however, and believe there is really only one purpose that is worth driving. And that's a story for another day, when I'm feeling a bit bolder.

But in a general sense, that's one thing I think really helps shape perception of problems. If you only have one absolute goal in mind for your life, and you know that one goal is already accomplished, nothing else can really matter.


I feel like this line of thought needs to be continued, despite its rambly nature. But I really, really, have been trying to cut back on the caffeine, and the last of my chemically-fueled inspiration has fizzled out for the day. Hope there was some sense to be found in that slew of inadequate words. Maybe when I get some sleep I can look back and figure out exactly what it was I wanted to say, and actually say it :)