21. (video blog!)

ahem. so I had a slight breakdown about this pending "vacation". very uncharacteristic of me, actually, but not unreasonable considering the just completely laughable amounts of stress I've been putting on myself lately. I was at the point where I wanted to find a way to refund my ticket and stay at home by any means necessary. I'm much better now, I promise. but to convince/distract myself, I had to make a video blog. it's a work of art, really. my eyes are even closed on the first frame... I had to start somewhere.


Colombia: antes de irme from Olivia Regester on Vimeo.

20.

If this absolutely ridiculous semester has done anything for me, it has inflated my confidence in my ability to write on a deadline - to the point where I convinced myself that I could fit my film analysis paper into my schedule somehow today... when I really should have done it yesterday.

So, that's what I'm doing tonight for the next 3 hours. Then, packing, maybe sleeping, and leaving the house at 4 am to hop a plane to Colombia! I may update from the airport tomorrow - if I'm not completely catatonic.

19.

About to go into work, and I realize I probably won't be home until after midnight, so this will be quick.

Tomorrow's my last day before 10 days of Colombia... I'm looking forward to it, but I'm sure I'll end up doing homework at every spare moment :(

I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be able to use my phone and find a place to use the internet, because ten days without some contact with my people back home could be a little hard to do.

hasta manaña.

18.

I'm paying my little sister to finish my art project for me.

Shhhh. Don't tell.

17.

So for the Life Script project I've been working quite dutifully on today, yesterday, and the day before, I am required to list things that make me happy. And once I got started, I couldn't stop.

1. life.
2. drinking very good, snobby coffee slowly; savoring the flavor and trying to pick out all the different notes and nuances.
3. listening to music - shallow, feel-good 80's rock, and deep, insightful indie. both do it for me.
4. having something to believe in.
5. making really good coffee for people at work and having them really appreciate it.
6. taking time to relax; do nothing, without worrying about responsibilities and deadlines.
7. naps.
8. being clean and having hair that smells good.
9. driving fast when I'm not really in a hurry.
10. little kids that get ridiculously excited when they're about to eat their doughnuts.
11. long, warm, sincere hugs.
12. soft, slow kisses.
13. learning.
14. laughing.
15. caffeine.
16. lying in the grass with the sun on my face. as long as there are no bugs.
17. making fun of other people's ugly sunglasses. even though mine are ridiculous too.
18. knitting. especially with soft alpaca yarn.
19. giving presents.
20. getting presents.
21. dumping my piggy bank into the Coinstar machine and getting $100 or so out.
22. watching beautiful movies.
23. finding people to have "ohmigosh - you too?" moments with. kindred spirits.
24. this is a cheap one, but getting A's.
25. eating tons of chocolate chip cookies without thinking about how many calories are in each.
26. getting "good morning :)" text messages at the beginning of long days at work.
27. freedom.
28. moments of absolute peace and clarity (haven't had one of those in a while).
29. cute boys that make your knees weak and your stomach fluttery and your hands shaky.
30. thinking about all the things I could to with my future.
31. remembering happy things from my past.
32. bossing people around.
33. my wonderful, wonderful MacBook.
34. making lists that I can check things off of right away.
35. taking pictures - more so, looking through old pictures I've taken.
36. being different.
38. being liked for just being me - and feeling safe enough to be honest about who I am.
39. having interesting bruises or other wounds to show off to people. weird, yes.
40. my bestie.
41. my favorite barista. (these last two really should be closer to the top of the list)
42. cool librarians!
43. taking advantage of free things.
44. figuring things out. or getting close.
45. simplicity.
46. beating boys at video games.
47. taking everything out of my purse, cleaning it, and putting everything back in.
48. anything sugary, chocolatey, or otherwise sweet, really. I'm honestly not that discriminating.
49. speaking spanish! or trying to speak any other foreign language.
50. sneezing, when I'm not sick and don't have allergies. another weird one.
51. shocking people who don't know me that well with uncharacteristically filthy remarks.
52. ending sentences with commas, (it keeps people guessing, and,
53. stretching. all yoga-like.
54. working hard - physically or mentally - and getting rewarded for it (even if it's just a good feeling that comes from helping people out who appreciate and deserve it).
55. identifying my imperfections and coming to terms with them.
56. letting go of people in my life who do nothing but drag me down every time I talk to them.
57. replacing those people with new people who inspire me.
58. traveling without a strict plan or schedule... road trips.
59. making subtle references to song lyrics and having other people get it and respond with more lyrics.
60. screaming, sometimes.
61. shoes. oh dear Lord.
62. dressing nice. wearing a dress, heels; possibly stockings?
63. drinking just a teeeensy bit of wine.
64. doing stupid things with my guy friends. they're the best.
65. having long, insightful conversations with people who are trying to understand life, just like I am. not people who think they already know all there is to know about life and just want to make you see it their way.
66. andy samberg.
67. pomegranate juice.
68. people with accents. not southern, though. okay, sometimes.
69. being comfortable. this is a big one.
70. changing people's perspectives.
71. laughing at my own stupidity.
72. writing long essays single-spaced, then changing it to double space and having twice as many pages done.
73. leather couches.
74. camping out in the backyard - close enough to the house to be able to come inside if it gets too cold/too outdoorsy.
75. living.

16.

I realize it has been less than 7 hours since my last post, but I'm doing another one anyway. I really should devote as much of tomorrow (today) as I can to working on projects.

I was talking with one of our regulars tonight about school, life, jobs, etc., and he was telling me about how he took a few years to just live in other countries, backpack in places that are off the beaten track, and basically just soak in culture. I want to do this so badly - I wonder if it's even possible for me to do it, though. I gather (from the fact that this guy is went to a pretty prestigious university, is well-dressed, well-groomed, unemployed, and not actively seeking work) that money was not a huge issue in his case. But it definitely would be in mine.

Also, I think I should probably satisfy a good deal of my wander-lust before I settle down, buy a house, raise a family... still not sure by what age I want to do that, but I can foresee the difficulties of globetrotting with all those obligations weighing me down.

But then, I do want my kids to be bilingual. If not trilingual.

I also want to marry Bruce Willis, but I'm not sure how good my chances are there, either.

15.

Oh my. Sleep is good. I suggest you go get some immediately.

I did. And my outlook on life has improved drastically.

I don't actually have any less stress, any more time. But my body says thank you. It also says "quit eating free doughnuts and ruining your kidneys with all that coffee."

But mostly "thanks for the sleep."

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

14.

Ahh, this is ridiculous.

I'll put it into writing so may seem like less of a massive flood of stuff to do. Or it may seem like more. Either way, organization should help?

Due Monday:

1) study for another ridiculous Abnormal Psych exam. After I took the last one, I passed out on the floor of the testing center. It's freezing in there. I don't understand why they feel like they can afford to pay to keep the air conditioning at 60 degrees, but not to pay enough staff to keep it open for reasonable hours on weekends.

Tuesday:

1) "Life Script" project for Personality Theory. Haven't started yet. This is basically an in-depth self examination from ages 3-18. And I'm serious when I say in-depth. There are questions about family, favorite TV shows, most embarrassing moments... and of course you're required to analyze how these had an effect on your life and ideologies and EVERYTHING. Counts for a HUGE part of my grade.

2) Tri-color painting for Design. I hate painting with acrylic. I'm absolutely horrible at it. And this painting is looking absolutely horrible. I'm considering trashing it and starting over, but I've already wasted 9 hours of my life on it. Grrr.

Thursday:

1) Study for a Spanish exam. This shouldn't be too big of a deal - I have skipped the majority of my classes since the last exam, but I'm not concerned. The class is a joke. The professor is a joke. But at least she's understanding and likes me so I don't lose grade points for not coming to class. I hope.

2) Film analysis for Abnormal Psych. This one could actually be fun, if I had more time to enjoy it. I almost convinced someone to do it for me today. This person seems to have developed a strong addiction to my chocolate chip cookies, and was ready to kill for another batch. Not commit plagiarism for me, though, apparently.

Then I'm going to Colombia for ten days (hope I can find some sort of internet cafe, or my NaBloPoMo dreams are screwed)...

And due the day I get back:

1) Mental Health Issues Survey for Abnormal Psych. I already have all my interviews done; now all that is left is to analyze trends and correlations, 2-3 pages. Cake.

2) Final Project in Spanish. I think this is supposed to be some some of short insrtuctional speech... I really should find out soon, I guess. Shouldn't be hard - I'm going to be working on it whilst in a Spanish-speaking country.

And then: 1) Major, million-page personality theory thesis, 2) Final project in Design, 3) Personality Theory final, 4) Abnormal Psych final, 5) Design vocab final, 6) Abnormal Psych clinical analysis video...

and I really, really, hope that's all.

13.

It's another one of those days... at school from 9:30 AM until 9:00 PM. Not a lot of chance for a break for lunch/sleep/sanity. I do plan on skipping Spanish - to study for the test I mentioned earlier.

Next year, when I remember to schedule myself a good, long 1.5 hour lunch break, I'm going to go down to the cafeteria every day. On Tuesday Spanish was canceled and I got to have lunch with my awesome class-skipping buddies, and had an amazing sandwich... I have dreams about sandwiches like that one. When I sleep, that is. Which isn't often. Ciabatta bread, pesto mayo, tons of turkey, bacon, and swiss cheese... beautiful.

Seeing as I'm pretty stuck on the lower rungs of Maslow's hierarchy of needs at the moment (food & sleep), I'll save my discussion on self-actualization for later.

Chau.

12.

Arrg. I'm struggling for content. Also, I have a huge Psych test to take tomorrow that I have only slightly studied for. And I work in 20 minutes, until 11:30.

So this is all for today.

11.

I do want a college degree. I can handle the homework, the studying, the working to pay for tuition... not too big a deal - everyone does it (except for the majority of the Plano Elite - their parents pay their way through all 4 years, bmw and all).

But the idea of working 40 hours a week and coming home to do whatever I want is quite tempting. As it is, homework takes up 90% of my free time.

I want to start my own business, have a studio, cook once in a while...

2.5 more years?

10.

Apologies for the non-post the other night. If I could steal my camera back from my sister I'd at least make my non-posts full of photos like ysolda's non-posts.

I've realized what's going on in my life has nothing to do with how stressed I get - it's all perception. I can have a million things due tomorrow, too many hours and early mornings at work, relationship/friendship/family issues, and yet, feel fine. It's weird. And I'm not sure if I can control it. Let's find out, shall we?

I want to knit. I want to see movies. I want to sleep in.
Christmas break will not come soon enough.

Buuut. I still love being a barista. I'm finally confident enough in my shot-pulling and milk-steaming (hot damn, I learned to make some kickass foam) to feel pretty good about the drinks I make for people.

I do have some issues with the management... but for now I'm just staging a quiet rebellion, and will think about quitting in the summer when my art teaching job picks back up (+awesome raise!). And even then... maybe I'll try a different little independent coffee shop?

And I'm going to try something new: saving money. I still haven't touched any of this month's paycheck. Could be because I haven't had time to go to the mall and buy the new pair of shoes I'm so desperately craving, but it's all still there nonetheless. I'm finding that I actually make enough in tips to pay for meals and other absolute necessities, so I rarely use my debit card anymore. I even tip with my tips. This is good.


So, I have a few rare hours before I'll feel obligated to start studying for my Personality Theory Exam that I should have taken today but am going to take tomorrow, so I'm going to kick back, watch Life, and be zen.

09.

just baaaarelyy remembered to post tonight.

ha :)

Livi - 1

NaBloPoMo - zero.

08.

I find it rather unfair that a busy schedule + many responsibilities/obligations leads to high levels of stress, which in turn lower the effectiveness of your immune system which increases the likelihood of getting sick, which causes intense levels of stress and even less time to get everything done which lowers your immune system further, and so on until you're a coffee-chugging zombie just barely dragging yourself from bed, to school, to work, and back to bed again.

I mean, really.

Stress should have good side effects. It shouldn't make you fat or anorexic, make it harder for you to sleep, or increase your risk of developing heart disease and mental disorder.

There's the elusive concept of "eustress," which is supposed to enhance performance and sharpen response to the stressor... but how often does that really occur?

I guess stress kind of has to be a downward spiral so you can't rely entirely on yourself - you need other people to help you out sometimes. In that case, I'm thankful for it. And even more thankful for those people who have been there for me lately while I'm dangerously close to losing my mind out of pure exhaustion.

I'm lucky.

07.

I'm so glad I waited to post today - anything I would have written earlier would have been horribly cynical and riddled with profanity... the non-stop stress and horrible morning at work was kind of getting to me.

but then a good friend helped me snap out of it. thanks :)

there's absolutely nothing to write about at the moment. but I'm making progress on all my assignments, so things will slowly get better as I get things done.

for now, I'm taking the evening off and paying back some of my massive sleep debt.

06.

Technically it's tomorrow.

And I know I'm not going to have time during the day.

And I'm still not at the point where I'm passing out from extreme sleep deprivation...

So here's November 6th's post.

On my mind tonight:

Some "advice" I tend get a lot from older individuals. They say, almost wistfully: "enjoy these years - this is the best time of your life."

Every time I hear that I think, what an absolutely horrible thing to say. This is it? This is the best? That's utterly ridiculous. It may be a nice time, with minimal responsibilities and lots of opportunities, but is that really what it's ultimately all about? I don't think so. Life's a journey, and it gets better every step of the way. I look forward to being "tied down," as it were, with a family, a career, etc. Not too soon, but yeah - I'll give up my freedom gladly to be able to move on to the next important step in my life. I don't want to hear that it's all going to be downhill from here. Read Erik Erikson's theory of lifespan development. He has it more or less figured out.

05.

everything I want to say is far too heavy to put out in such a public forum, and saying anything else right now would seem stupid and perfunctory, so...

it boils down to:

• my entire life has been completely flipped upside-down over the past few months.
  
• I have absolutely no regrets or desire to change anything that happened.
• with that said, I'm still so completely unsure about what's coming next, that I'm scared to death.

the end.

and I can hear mariachi music coming from outside my window. life is strange and beautiful.

04.

just barely squeaking by on today's deadline... today was also quite long.

I'm feeling slightly like death, so I'm going to keep it very short, but if I can find time, I'll have plenty to write about tomorrow.

1) everyone, quit being so bitchy about politics. don't tell me who I should vote for, say I'm stupid for voting a certain way, or whine about who gets elected. this goes for both sides. grow up.

2) school is eating me alive. but there's only about a month and a half left. hallelujah.

3) I laugh at all the people who were so excited to get their free starbucks coffee today. ha. haha. ha.

03.

Long day.

I work 6-2 on Mondays, and I always come home slightly dead. I used to work 8+ hour days all the time at the Purple Crayon, but I always had some breaks between classes to sit down, and there was even time to grab some lunch occasionally. Not so much at the coffee shop. It's generally a madhouse from 7-11, and there's enough to keep me on my feet the rest of the time.

A coffee shop is pretty ideal place for a psych major to be working. We get our fair share of weirdos (today - people completely wasted at 9 in the morning, a guy in his bathrobe talking gibberish and trying to apply for a job, and the more "normal" type of weirdo who orders pearls in his latte). And I've definitely run into quite a few classic examples of personality disorders. I probably should stop diagnosing my customers, but it's hard to resist.

Speaking of people with personality disorders. I had a run-in with someone from my not-too-distant past today that I really could have done without. But that's what you get when you work at a popular coffee place in a small town. It was bound to happen eventually. Didn't spit in his coffee or spill it in his lap. I think I handled it reasonably well.

Unfortunately, besides taking an amazing nap outside (I'm actually outside now - there's an incredibly comfy couch in my half-completed barn, so I'm partially protected from the elements, but still breathing the delicious night air) and reading 500 million pages of psych homework, I didn't do much worthy of note today. Damn these 8 hour shifts. And I won't be able to stay awake much longer, either.

But I made lots of caffeine-addicted people happy today, so it was totally worth it.

02.

Ahh, Day 2 of NaBloPoMo. I was going to take the advice of some NBPM veterans and get my posting done in the morning, but... yeah, no. Nothing has inspired me yet. So if this post ends up being pointless and lame, I'm sorry.

I'm going to hang in there, though, because I really, really, like getting things accomplished. I love making lists and checking things off them. One reason I love 43things.com. It's a little more long term than my to-do's on iCal, but most of the goals I have are reasonably accomplishable (not a word). Plus, it gives the option of writing entries about your progress, and people can send you e-encouragement in the form of "cheers." There's also a 43people and a 43places, both similarly amazing.

I should really start a new list of all the big-ticket items I need to buy and can't possibly afford unless I start practicing some self-control. Maybe that'll remind me not to blow $100 on shoes every time I go to the mall. I might try paying myself every time I get free coffee at work or at Starbucks... that could add up fast. One or two $4 drinks every shift, and if I factor in all the doughnuts, I'll have my Lambretta in no time.

Annnd, I'm about to go back to work making delicious lattes and etc, but it just struck me that this blog is in dire need of a redesign. Yes?

NaBloPoMo!

I do recall saying I wouldn't do this, but then, I change my mind quite a bit. I signed up for National Blog Posting Month. Starting today, I'll be posting every day until the end of November. Get ready to have your blogrolls rocked.