walk along the open road of love and life - surviving if we can.

mmm. I am feeling very at peace with the universe.

feeling so forgiving, I even changed my ex-ex-ex boyfriend's name in my phone book from "Ignorant Slut" to "Loserface." :)

more and more things are falling into place. new job finally came through for me (free coffee is mine once more), I THINK I figured out what I still need to transfer to UTD (just need to get admissions on the phone and apply for scholarships), and post-break-up complications are fading fast.

there was a brief interim of uncertainty on all those points, but just when I was getting worried nothing was going to work out like I wanted, it all turned around. this is why I love life :)

I've been lucky enough to meet some very interesting and inspiring new people lately, and I'm back to teaching artsy kids with the Purple Crayon, so I'm thinking a creative revival is in store for this summer. I threw a few pots on the wheel yesterday (the heat dries them so much faster and makes my lack of bats much less of a problem), and am going to start cranking them out to sell for supplementary income (shoe moneys).

I know I say this every other post, but I really am going to take some pictures of all my crap to shamelessly promote myself in the near future. look forward.


side note: this just solidifies my total geek status, and I'm almost a little embarassed to mention it, but I almost have 50 followers on Blip.fm, and it makes me freaking excited. 48 people appreciate my taste in music. geeeeeeeekgasm.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

so funny how things just fall into place sometimes. I'm a big fan.

I like when old friends turn into new friends. especially when it happens almost effortlessly.

that's a big plus for me, because I don't really like to have to work hard to maintain a friendship unless I really think it's worthwhile. selfish? probably, yes.

today was quite nice. karma is still as fair as ever.

I was pretty much out of inspiration, but I think I may have grasped ahold of it again.


also, this is wonderful:

bam.

I don't know why I always get the urge to blog when I have tons of homework to do. Grr. Will keep it short.

Things I've done lately:

• unraveled a pretty red angora sweater ($5 @ thirft store!) and navajo plied the resulting yarn to make a beautiful worsted weight (look for a hat made with it soon).

• bought 4, 5, and 6 pyrometric cones so I can do high-firing and have some finished pieces to show you soon.

• got excited when I met a lady at work today who roasts her own coffee beans and decided I'm going to start doing that too (she says to check out sweetmarias.com for resources) - apparently you can use popcorn poppers??

• NOT cleaned my room.

okay, folks. tune in next time for more non-stop bulleted-list action.

nobody said it was easy.

hi there.

missed you. I've been pretty caught up in other things lately, but there's a lot I should have written about. first - I've had quite a few days of feeling like I'm floating/dreaming/high out of my mind. in the best possible way. gotta attribute those to the adorable Coffee Master I'm currently dating. and, you know, the fact that I'm a ridiculous, irrational, optimist.

but then... my job. I get tired of hearing:
"Do you really want to be a barista for the rest of your life?"
- Yes.
"You think you can really make a living making people lattes?"
- Probably not.
"Find a job doing something you're really passionate about."
- Um, hello? Coffee?

not that any of this has ever discouraged me from being head-over-heels in love with my current job. I love the customers, the relationships with the regulars, the adrenaline during the morning rush, the ease with which you can make someone happy by memorizing their drink, the control I have over tips, the FREE COFFEE, the access to a decent espresso machine... oh god. love love love.

I also love the people I work with. but due to massive drama, we've lost two over the past month. not only do I miss them terribly, our store is now incredibly understaffed. also, the majority of our employees are in school, and during the semester I am among the only three who can work during the weekdays. so all my shifts start at either 5 am, 6 am, or 7 am. and I close Saturdays and come in at 8 on Sundays. that leaves me with a maximum of 6 potential hours of sleep, which wouldn't really be that bad, but the chances of me actually falling asleep as soon as I get home from work are slim. boo. also, I'll be working a total of 30 hours a week, plus 12 hours of school... and I think that's a lot to ask of anyone.

so I'm quitting. and it's tough. I had a few days where I felt completely unmotivated and uninspired to do anything - as if all I was actually capable of doing was working (found my inspiration, though - watch The Science of Sleep).

but... I turned in an application at Peet's, and I got a call yesterday and set up an interview for tomorrow. eek. there are things about Peet's that I'm not terribly excited about (uniform, potential slllooooww shifts, noisy grocery store right beside it) but there are other things I am excited about, like being paid what I deserve, getting the lunch breaks I'm legally entitled to, and hopefully having a more flexible schedule.

so wish me luck. I just want a job I can be happy with. that lets me play around with an espresso machine.

you've made it through the direst of straights, alright.

it's over.

actually, not quite, I have one last final tomorrow at 11:30, but I'm not worried/don't care. it's going to be breezy. and then it will be done.

last night, while sitting at the bar of my (2nd) favorite coffee shop, it hit me that I had nothing to work on - no tests to study for, no papers to write, no symptoms of depressive or manic episodes to memorize... it was a weird feeling.

it's like the world is brand new, and I finally get to go enjoy it. freedom is so beautiful.

I'm so inspired - coffee tastes better, the air smells crisper, the sun is brighter... I want to draw, paint, build, create.


hopefully within the next few days I'll get around to photographing some of the projects I've done in Design this semester... and then do some more from my own inspiration.

okay, bye. ❤

10.

Apologies for the non-post the other night. If I could steal my camera back from my sister I'd at least make my non-posts full of photos like ysolda's non-posts.

I've realized what's going on in my life has nothing to do with how stressed I get - it's all perception. I can have a million things due tomorrow, too many hours and early mornings at work, relationship/friendship/family issues, and yet, feel fine. It's weird. And I'm not sure if I can control it. Let's find out, shall we?

I want to knit. I want to see movies. I want to sleep in.
Christmas break will not come soon enough.

Buuut. I still love being a barista. I'm finally confident enough in my shot-pulling and milk-steaming (hot damn, I learned to make some kickass foam) to feel pretty good about the drinks I make for people.

I do have some issues with the management... but for now I'm just staging a quiet rebellion, and will think about quitting in the summer when my art teaching job picks back up (+awesome raise!). And even then... maybe I'll try a different little independent coffee shop?

And I'm going to try something new: saving money. I still haven't touched any of this month's paycheck. Could be because I haven't had time to go to the mall and buy the new pair of shoes I'm so desperately craving, but it's all still there nonetheless. I'm finding that I actually make enough in tips to pay for meals and other absolute necessities, so I rarely use my debit card anymore. I even tip with my tips. This is good.


So, I have a few rare hours before I'll feel obligated to start studying for my Personality Theory Exam that I should have taken today but am going to take tomorrow, so I'm going to kick back, watch Life, and be zen.

03.

Long day.

I work 6-2 on Mondays, and I always come home slightly dead. I used to work 8+ hour days all the time at the Purple Crayon, but I always had some breaks between classes to sit down, and there was even time to grab some lunch occasionally. Not so much at the coffee shop. It's generally a madhouse from 7-11, and there's enough to keep me on my feet the rest of the time.

A coffee shop is pretty ideal place for a psych major to be working. We get our fair share of weirdos (today - people completely wasted at 9 in the morning, a guy in his bathrobe talking gibberish and trying to apply for a job, and the more "normal" type of weirdo who orders pearls in his latte). And I've definitely run into quite a few classic examples of personality disorders. I probably should stop diagnosing my customers, but it's hard to resist.

Speaking of people with personality disorders. I had a run-in with someone from my not-too-distant past today that I really could have done without. But that's what you get when you work at a popular coffee place in a small town. It was bound to happen eventually. Didn't spit in his coffee or spill it in his lap. I think I handled it reasonably well.

Unfortunately, besides taking an amazing nap outside (I'm actually outside now - there's an incredibly comfy couch in my half-completed barn, so I'm partially protected from the elements, but still breathing the delicious night air) and reading 500 million pages of psych homework, I didn't do much worthy of note today. Damn these 8 hour shifts. And I won't be able to stay awake much longer, either.

But I made lots of caffeine-addicted people happy today, so it was totally worth it.

02.

Ahh, Day 2 of NaBloPoMo. I was going to take the advice of some NBPM veterans and get my posting done in the morning, but... yeah, no. Nothing has inspired me yet. So if this post ends up being pointless and lame, I'm sorry.

I'm going to hang in there, though, because I really, really, like getting things accomplished. I love making lists and checking things off them. One reason I love 43things.com. It's a little more long term than my to-do's on iCal, but most of the goals I have are reasonably accomplishable (not a word). Plus, it gives the option of writing entries about your progress, and people can send you e-encouragement in the form of "cheers." There's also a 43people and a 43places, both similarly amazing.

I should really start a new list of all the big-ticket items I need to buy and can't possibly afford unless I start practicing some self-control. Maybe that'll remind me not to blow $100 on shoes every time I go to the mall. I might try paying myself every time I get free coffee at work or at Starbucks... that could add up fast. One or two $4 drinks every shift, and if I factor in all the doughnuts, I'll have my Lambretta in no time.

Annnd, I'm about to go back to work making delicious lattes and etc, but it just struck me that this blog is in dire need of a redesign. Yes?

if it's not too late for coffee, I'll be at your place in 10.

Oh, life. It's lovely.

But it does wear one out.

School remains hectic - I'm coming to terms with the fact that life will not end if I don't make the dean's list this semester... still going to work my ass off to try, though.

The coffee shop is quite nice. I've had three 5 am shifts this week, and though they've been more fun than the cold-molasses-y slow night shifts, they freaking kill me. I've been pretty good about getting to sleep by 11, but that still only gives me 4.5 hours of sleep. Not quite enough. I can give customers huge fake smiles and get their orders right, but when I get home I crasssssssshhh. Which is not good when one has massive amounts of homework to do.

But, again, it would be much worse if I had to deal with bitchy coworkers. And I'm finally getting tips, so that extra dollar or so an hour makes my pay almost comparable to what I was making at the Purple Crayon. And I feel like I have a bit more control over tips - chat a little bit with the customers and compliment their shirt/purse/motorcycle, and you're more likely to get a dollar or so.

But on the other hand, some people get their only social contact at the drive-thru at 6 am, and thus talk your ear off for 10 minutes and proceed to pay in exact change. :(

And some people are just flat-out rude. Srsly. I may feel like murdering everyone who talks loudly to me before I've had my morning coffee, but I can usually control that urge. Obviously there are those who cannot.

And that's about it. My life is work, school, sleep, and the occasional pre/post-work/school outing right now. And lots of delicious, free coffee. And doughnuts. Oh my. I've gained three pounds since I started working. Yayy :))


*note to Latte Boy: good-looking guys are actually a rarity in the mornings - don't be jealous. I only flirt with old, ugly guys.

you know, you know, no, you don't, you dooon't.

Aw, hell. This isn't a knit blog.

I know I might have said it was a few times, and I know a good number of you who read this are knitters (ha! I see via flickr pro that 7 people were interested enough in my Fibbonaci Frequency hat to click the link from here :) I'm so popular.), but this is really just an outlet.

I've realized I love writing. I've known for a good long while, of course, what with all my success in english and journalism classes, but then for about a year I was writing nothing but boring government/history/literary analysis essays... mostly about things I really couldn't care less about.

Now that I'm in some classes that I'm really passionate about, I'm inspired to write about them. And other things, things that matter to me; I want to share them somehow, even if no one cares about them as much as I do.

I still try to be discreet - I have a paper and ink journal that I write the really personal stuff in (though admittedly, not very frequently) - and not mention names or details. I know I get a bit uncomfortable sometimes when I read about myself on other blogs...


So, as for the future of this blog - the content is going to change as my interests change. And I definitely anticipate staying interested in knitting for a good long time, so it very well may remain primarily a knit blog. Just thought I'd clear things up in case any of my seven knitters were disappointed at the recent lack of yarn.

Oh, and I got the barista job! It's what I really wanted, anyway. I'm still not grown-up enough to make the sensible choice - I just want to have fun and drink coffee right now :)

judging by your smile, you are holding something back

It's 4:15 AM.

I'm sure there are plenty of morning people, people with long commutes, polyphasic sleepers, coffee/doughnut shop workers, Walmart employees, and Good Morning America hosts who are just waking up; getting ready to start their days.

I'm still trying to get to sleep. Not really trying anymore, obviously. Briefly giving up with the hopes that sudden, uncontrollably narcolepsy will hit me while I'm typing.

I guess I could be revving up for NaBloPoMo in November. I seriously considered doing that last year, but I suspect that deep down in my psyche there's something that rebels against me forming positive habits, and subconsciously forces me to skip a day - just to weaken my resolve. And I'm just not the type of person to feel guilty about that kind of thing. Probably why I've never stuck to a diet or exercise plan for more than 2 days. Really hope my metabolism is still this fast when I'm 30.


Why am I still awake? It could be because of the massive amounts of coffee I drank today. Don't even want to start figuring out the milligrams of caffeine. But it never had any effect (affect? Mrs. Rice would know.) on me whatsoever at 10 this morning when I desperately needed it... no sleep last night either. There's this mosquito (but there must be more than one, because I caught one in midair and squashed it with a vengeance about 4 hours ago) that must be invisible and the size of a small dog that flies around my head pretty much constantly every night. It's the loudest thing I've heard in my life. And I have about 500 bites all over my body, because it somehow can bite through my comforter when it gets tired of biting my exposed arms and feet. Good Lord. I'm mystified.

But! I found a way to at least tune out the sound (even though I still know it's there and biting, and it haunts me) - brilliant iPhone app aSleep. Plays ambient sounds through your headphones to block out mosquito noises. Probably good for studying in distracting places or doing yoga, too. Best 99 pennies I ever spent.

Another possible reason for this insomnia - the weird, 4 hour nap I took today. I started out feeling like my body was probably about to give up and die after being sick for 9 days (I'll discuss that momentarily), and woke up feeling significantly more hopeful, but physically the same. Weird feeling - being happy and feeling like shit at the same time. I don't recommend it.

On being sick: it sucks. But it has been extremely interesting noticing the changes in my mental processes (psych geek =])over the course of the last 9 days (minus Thursday - I was actually feeling pretty decent then). I hopped back and forth between wanting sympathy and telling myself to suck it up sooo many times, and there was a point when I seriously wanted to exact severe physical revenge on whichever poor soul it was who came to school while sick and infected me. Sometimes I wasn't thinking at all - that's hard to do if you're trying. And then there was today, when I was tired of taking drugs and feeling slightly better for a few hours just to crash back into feeling horrible...

Tylenol PM used to be my best friend. Now, thanks to a horrific series of nightmares, I don't think I'll ever have the courage to take it again.


Buh. I should try to sleep again. I have a paper to write tomorrow, and possibly a doctor's appointment. And a babysitting job I'm going to cancel.

But you can't deny that this was a beautiful glimpse at the kind of things that run around in my head when I don't direct my thoughts in one way or another. And that was the censored version.

Happiness is a Warm Coffee Cake

Monday, Bloody Monday

Yesterday, overcome by a random spirit of benevolence and good will towards men (lie. they were giving out free movie tickets.), I decided to donate blood before work. I hadn't had time for more than a muffin and half a latte, but I figured I wasn't some wimp who would faint at the loss of a pint of blood and no food.

Nope. They took the needle out of my arm - I was feeling fine - I got out of the chair and rescheduled and grabbed an XXL t-shirt (the only size available, as always)... then everything started going black. I still managed to grab an orange juice and a package of crackers before I kind of collapsed into a chair. By now, everything was completely black, but I could still hear people's voices clearly. The tech asked me if I was feeling okay, and I murmured "a little bit woozy," in what I guessed was her general direction.

She and another tech started leading me back towards the reclining blood-taking chairs... and suddenly I woke up on the floor to people saying "Catherine, are you okay?" If I seemed confused and disoriented, it was because I was trying to figure out who Catherine was, and why she wouldn't be okay.

They told me I was only out for about 30 seconds, but somehow I had managed to have a long, complicated dream about Bruce Willis. Must have been heaven.

After making me sit in the gross chair for 15 minutes, they made me sign something which I assume was some kind of waiver... I couldn't see very well out of one eye, and my brain hadn't really started being re-vascularized yet.

I remembered that I had a class at 1:30, so I somehow managed to drive through Chik Fil A, get on the freeway, and make it to work. After an hour of trying to get 6-year-olds to glue yarn onto elephants and not barf every time I stood up, I told my boss I needed to go home.

Driving home in the 190-degree Texan heat, I almost fell asleep at least three times, and collapsed on the couch as soon as I walked in the door, then proceeded to sleep for hours.

So. I think I've learned my lesson. Don't let the commies steal your precious bodily fluids.


And now, a caffeine update.

6/20

11:00 am - grande americano (*bux, and not my favorite one. sorry, latte boy. emergency.)
2:30 pm - cuppa PG Tips tea
7:00 pm - mini-can Dr. Pepper

Total: 298.5 mg

6/21

10:30 am - 12:00 pm - almost an entire Moka pot full of espresso

Total: ~ 385 mg

6/22

11:00 am - Oregon Chai latte
7:00 pm - indeterminate amount of Dr. Pepper

Total: ~ 74 mg (wow!)

6/23

11:00 am - half a double tall soy latte
7:00 pm - the other half of the double tall soy latte (sat in the car, so it was still about as hot as it was when I got it)

Total: 154 mg

Running total: 1,909 mg

caffeen adickshun? I has wun.

So, seeing my coffee intake in black in white like this has made me a little self-conscious about it, and I've made an effort to cut back a bit. Plus, paying $3.50 for something I could make myself for less than a dollar goes against my DIYer instincts.

I did, however, go visit my new favorite barista yesterday and introduce myself so I can build our relationship up to the point of me getting free coffee whenever he's working.

Yesterday summed up:

9:30 am- demitasse of home-brewed espresso (about 2 shots)

2:00 pm- double tall soy latte (starbucks)

Total caffeine: 308 mg

Today:

9:00 am- triple iced latte (brewed at home)

5:00 pm- chai latte (home)

Total caffeine: 278 mg

Running total since 06/17/08: 997.5 mg

Bring Me Java, Bring Me Joy

Remember that online history class I mentioned? I've pretty much found an excuse to blow it off every single day since it started. Annnnd there are exactly eight days left until the midterm.

Keep in mind that there were only seventeen days in total before the midterm to begin with, but you'd think I'd have had the wherewithal to start studying a tad sooner.

Not that I haven't tried - but there's always something to distract me. My house is always noisy unless everyone's gone, and that rarely happens for more than an hour or two at a time. So I've started coffee-shop-hopping, even going to Starbucks (evil mega-conglomerate that it is) occasionally. This has proved slightly counterproductive, as most java joints have apparently made it their policy to hire almost solely from the ridiculously-attractive-college-aged-male demographic.

I've also been staying up rather late every night, so I've needed a strong dose of caffeine every morning to get rid of my headaches and jitters. On top of those factors, I just got a second Italian espresso maker, pretty much exclusively invite people to get coffee when I want to hang out, and several of my friends have jobs as baristas.

So now, as I'm feeling a little light-headed and wishing I hadn't accepted that free extra shot from Matt the Latte Boy, I've decided to start recording my daily caffeine intake.

10:00 am - Chai tea (not that significant, but it's still buzzed)
3:30 - Triple espresso
5:30 - Triple grande half-caff americano (they put two shots in a normal one, so by some weird math that I don't quite understand, I'm going to say a triple half-caff is equal to about 1.5 caffeinated shots)

Total shots: 4.5

so assuming a shot has about 77 mg of caffeine (which I know totally depends on the roast, blend, and extraction, but I'm going by *bux's nutrition guide), and the Chai has 47mg...

Total: 393.5 mg

*edit*
I knew I was doing something screwy with that math. I forgot that decaf espresso still has somewhere around 12 mg of caffeine per shot (bah. I get more of a buzz off of water.), so that's an extra 18 mg.

New Total: 411.5

Who knew love could be this caffeinated?